I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?