Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (507)

Last Night in Minnesota (507)

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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

(507): View more from Minnesota

Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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(651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof

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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.

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Slutty, slutty tools.

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(507): You used the best tools you had at your disposal. (651): Slutty, slutty tools. http://tfl.nu/m6kb

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(507): View more from Minnesota

you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

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(507): you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now http://tfl.nu/xehl

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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.

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(507): So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver. http://tfl.nu/b2sj

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Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..

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(507): Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival.. http://tfl.nu/pwlv

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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.

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(507): Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up. http://tfl.nu/yb0n

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet

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(507): Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet http://tfl.nu/981y

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(507): View more from Minnesota

we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine

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(507): we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine http://tfl.nu/vvgu

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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.

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(507): currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing. http://tfl.nu/nh19

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(507): View more from Minnesota

So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.

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(507): So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent. http://tfl.nu/5yqd

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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)

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(507): I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!) http://tfl.nu/tvr2

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.

(1-507): View more from Minnesota

We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.

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(507): I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies. (1-507): We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA. http://tfl.nu/9erc

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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(

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(507): She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :( http://tfl.nu/2xc0

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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

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(507): I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure http://tfl.nu/8ozd

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(507): View more from Minnesota

It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.

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(507): It's a special occasion. Hence the 151. http://tfl.nu/vp1j

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Last Night in Minnesota (507)

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