You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.