Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (507)

Last Night in Minnesota (507)

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...

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(507): I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though... http://tfl.nu/ukj5

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Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.

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(507): Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization. http://tfl.nu/k6sn

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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.

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(507): I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins. http://tfl.nu/raw5

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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....

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.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....

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(315): The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar..... (507): .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls.... http://tfl.nu/yj71

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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.

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(507): You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face. http://tfl.nu/rpml

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?

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(507): Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth? http://tfl.nu/1qlq

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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.

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(507): he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day. http://tfl.nu/m5g5

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I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...

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(507): I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs... http://tfl.nu/9q2b

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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

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Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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(651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof

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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.

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Slutty, slutty tools.

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(507): You used the best tools you had at your disposal. (651): Slutty, slutty tools. http://tfl.nu/m6kb

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(507): View more from Minnesota

you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

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(507): you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now http://tfl.nu/xehl

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(507): View more from Minnesota

So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.

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(507): So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver. http://tfl.nu/b2sj

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Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..

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(507): Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival.. http://tfl.nu/pwlv

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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.

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(507): Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up. http://tfl.nu/yb0n

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet

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(507): Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet http://tfl.nu/981y

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Last Night in Minnesota (507)

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