My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.