Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.