It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.