Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.