The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?