Pants are for mortals
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night