Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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