he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.