And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.