yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.