I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...