ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player