All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.