I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.