I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.