That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me