You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.