I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.