Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?