After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...