Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Delaware (302)

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  Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

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  (302): Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself. http://tfl.nu/ycey
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  you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..

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  (302): you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor.. http://tfl.nu/0kdc
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  He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.

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  (302): He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was. http://tfl.nu/ureg
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  NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

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  (302): NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/6d9q
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  And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...

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  (302): And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks... http://tfl.nu/1g5k
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  Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now

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  (302): Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now http://tfl.nu/i71d
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  We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..

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  (302): We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys.. http://tfl.nu/lsa2
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  I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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  (302): I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress http://tfl.nu/yb5l
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  He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".

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  (302): He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice". http://tfl.nu/55zb
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  this must be what syphilis tastes like

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  (302): this must be what syphilis tastes like http://tfl.nu/o277
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  This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.

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  (302): This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/kdws
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  Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off

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  (302): Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off http://tfl.nu/cpmq
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  You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

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  (302): You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics http://tfl.nu/cuw1
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  just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.

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  (302): just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach. http://tfl.nu/5cxr
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  Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america

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  (302): Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america http://tfl.nu/uvbf
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