Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?