It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast