you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime