He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.