I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dating After Heartbreak
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.