I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.