Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!