I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.