i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.