Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (281)

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  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
  Replies (7) Good night (2028) Bad night (1251)
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  You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.

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  (281): You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop. http://tfl.nu/puvx
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  i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.

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  (281): i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend. http://tfl.nu/4vq3
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  Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.

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  (281): Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute. http://tfl.nu/xxsd
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  Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?

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  (281): Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner? http://tfl.nu/iojv
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  Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday

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  (281): Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday http://tfl.nu/9ias
  Replies (14) Good night (1155) Bad night (2563) Order T-Shirt
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  okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.

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  (281): okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ycuw
  Replies (26) Good night (1255) Bad night (4126) Order T-Shirt
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  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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  (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk
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  The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.

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  (281): The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked. http://tfl.nu/awm7
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  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

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  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
  Replies (31) Good night (10354) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am

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  (281): Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am http://tfl.nu/24br
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  JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US

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  WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW

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  THE REISLING ATRACEX US

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  (281): JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US (281): WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW (281): THE REISLING ATRACEX US http://tfl.nu/6tcy
  Replies (21) Good night (1813) Bad night (838)
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  We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.

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  (281): We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex. http://tfl.nu/sntw
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  I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.

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  (281): I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home. http://tfl.nu/pc90
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  seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout

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  (281): seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout http://tfl.nu/w9k1
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