You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.