Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE