all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.