This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.