Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.