After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.