did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.