I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?