Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra