Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.