as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.