My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.