He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.