Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar