He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just snorted my name. best moment ever