Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER