As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.