We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....