i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.