the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.