hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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