There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
