I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a search helicopter?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
