I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.