My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.