we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.