It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea