is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...