Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.