Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (828)

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...

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  (828): finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night... http://tfl.nu/doej
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.

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  (828): my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is. http://tfl.nu/zedm
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  Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.

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  (828): Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly. http://tfl.nu/q5lh
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby

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  (828): i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby http://tfl.nu/ihl1
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  I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework

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  (828): I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework http://tfl.nu/o5bk
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.

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  (828): As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance. http://tfl.nu/tng6
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.

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  (828): Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy. (1-828): Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid. http://tfl.nu/eif0
  Replies (8) Good night (562) Bad night (3475)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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  (828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  had another sex dream about alec baldwin...

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  (828): had another sex dream about alec baldwin... http://tfl.nu/qec0
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

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  (828): So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me. http://tfl.nu/t0l7
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  There's a dead frog in my kitchen?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.

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  The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

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  (828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen? (402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush. (402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all" http://tfl.nu/9htk
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before

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  (828): what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before http://tfl.nu/qvbs
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I hope im prettier

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying

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  (828): I hope im prettier (1-828): yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying http://tfl.nu/h2yr
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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  (828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

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  (828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9
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