I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge