Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp