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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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