I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone