You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."