If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.