It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.