You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?