My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.