I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.