Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (202)

Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

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Thanks, mom.

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(202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway. (1-202): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/107n

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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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(202): You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first. http://tfl.nu/24o7

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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?

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(202): WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT? http://tfl.nu/xll1

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I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast

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(202): I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast http://tfl.nu/11fz

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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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(202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu

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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in

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(202): You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in http://tfl.nu/2mgj

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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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(202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb

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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.

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(202): incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay. http://tfl.nu/a1k2

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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"

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(202): we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious" http://tfl.nu/kvms

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Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.

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(202): Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful. http://tfl.nu/bz9e

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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night

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(202): but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night http://tfl.nu/v5ja

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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.

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(202): I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request. http://tfl.nu/ivj5

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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

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(202): After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/vjgb

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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car

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(202): You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car http://tfl.nu/q6jc

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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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(202): just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog http://tfl.nu/w6qp

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Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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