I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....