Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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  (202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r
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  Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis

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  (202): Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis http://tfl.nu/68pm
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  How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?

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  (202): How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers? http://tfl.nu/rzz2
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  I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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  (202): I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now. http://tfl.nu/oo06
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  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
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  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

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  (202): Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it. http://tfl.nu/4ii1
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  when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him

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  (202): when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him http://tfl.nu/8eei
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  Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.

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  (202): Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools. http://tfl.nu/n6n6
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  Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden

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  She's got a legit dose of dude going on

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  No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.

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  (240): Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden (202): She's got a legit dose of dude going on (240): No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne. http://tfl.nu/qro2
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  Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.

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  (202): Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood. http://tfl.nu/hors
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  We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.

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  (202): We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open. http://tfl.nu/2rgi
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  My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.

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  Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.

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  (202): My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about. (202): Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ. http://tfl.nu/wtju
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  i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.

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  (202): i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not. http://tfl.nu/o6ew
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  Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.

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  (202): Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands. http://tfl.nu/c22a
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  well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.

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  (202): well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was. http://tfl.nu/pkp0
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