That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over