I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.