Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.

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