Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Mom said you looked used
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.