Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Mom said you looked used
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.