I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
