just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dating After Heartbreak
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I look better un-naked...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic