you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I look better un-naked...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked